Saturday, February 18, 2017

Sudden goodbye....

I was oncall that very morning when I suddenly received a message from mum to our family chat group that my cousin called and said my maternal grandma complained of severe headache and vomited.

I initially thought, they are on their way to hospital, should be ok.
I continue running my med reg job in ED, saving lives, finish up the clerking, post taking, do bloods and try to clear the board of so many medical patients to be seen.

Next message I received was, grandma loss consciousness on the way to hospital. She had difficulties in breathing, doctor is resuscitating her. The symptoms sounded so familiar.... So typical of what I normally see at work. Sudden headache, reduced GCS, collapsed....and the next will be... death.
I knew straight away, it didn't look promising.

Replied mum and said... didn't look good mum.
And I knew, mum was crying hysterically already. She was waiting my brother to fetch her to rush to hospital in Melacca to say her last goodbye, but it is all too late when she arrived....

Me on the other side, just managed some lunch when I received a call from my brother, crying hysterically about the sudden death of this beloved grandma of mine.
This was not an expected death.
She was so fine, besides some aches and pain, she showed no illness.
Still prodding around at home, helping to cook yummy delicious dinners, washing, cleaning and independent in her daily activities. She needs no help!

I just could not believe this at all. My grandma whom promised to see me gets married and have kids is now... left! My tears kept flowing like waterfall. I knew I couldn't continue my work that day.
Thank God my consultant caught me and sat me aside. She reassured me that things will be fine. Just go home if need to. Spoke to my educational supervisor quickly who happened to be consultant oncall, approved my emergency leave and off I went.
4pm reached home. Took my passport and visa. Packed some dark coloured clothes.
430pm, jumped on the train and zoomed to airport.
The whole journey was such a torture, I just kept crying and the man sitting infront of me turned around wondering what was wrong. I just kept quiet and let the tears flow.
9pm, got the earliest flight and flew back home...

Probably the worse journey ever. I always looked forward to going home, but this 17 hours, was nothing but cry sleep eat cry and repeat. The heartache and pain is just indescribable. Only God knows.... why He called her home so suddenly when none of us were prepared at all.

Cousin was just saying, granny was cutting rice cakes that very evening to bring back to KL home because my brother and sister love to eat them. She is always knowing what we like and not. She wasn't expecting this goodbye as well. So WHY...she was called home? I now wonder a lot!

People might say she is already old. Yeah 88 years old to be exact, but she wasn't a frail 88 who is bedbound, demented and needing carers! Her memory is spot on. She has been very well. The last time I saw her was last November when I went back. How I wished I have called her and tell her I will see her soon in June when I go back. I wished I could hold her wrinkly hands again, sitting next to her and talk everything under the sun, accompany her to eat her favourite luicha. I have so many regrets that I wished I could fulfil them before saying this goodbye.

The main reason why it hurts so much, mainly for my family because she literally raised us up since baby. She lived with us for 35 years( since Darren was born). She knew our likes and don't likes. Our habits, our attitude, everything inside out. She is like our 2nd mummy. Every trip I am back, she would make the very effort to cook my favourite chicken rice, or assam fish. She would spend whole day cooking, with her secret recipe that start from scratch. My sister was just saying the other day when she made Chinese ZhongZi, she remembers the content of it that we like, so in total, she had to wrap probably 5-6 different types based on our likes( with meat, with fattypork, with more chestnut, with sotong...) She execute them all perfectly. Because she aims to make us happy.

When she left us suddenly like this, it feels a previous person of ours has been robbed, cruelly and no return. I hope she is at a better place now. A place she is happier. A place with no pain and tears. Tears still flow in secret everytime I thought about her. Lord, heal this broken heart and may her soul rest in peace. I looked forward to see her again in heave. I miss her already.
I will remember the day I arrived and saw her body in the coffin. Sleeping peacefully, my heart sank.
I hope she is resting well now.
The final sent off of my beloved granny.
The song played by the pancaragam was....
'What a friend we have in Jesus'
And it is comforting, although the whole ceremony was in Buddhism style, our initial greatest fear was if she is with the Lord.
Before she died, she told us she dreamt of Jesus, she prayed to Jesus.
But we weren't very sure if salvation was upon her.
Having to know God publicly proclaim His presence here, we as a family found peace, for we know, we will reunite with her in Heaven, once day.

My final selfie with grandma.

x I really miss her x


Literally, a week later.
My paternal grandma was called to be with the Lord as well.

My family is still grieving over my maternal grandma, we are hit again by the 2nd wave of paternal grandma deteriorated in the hospital and died.
She is known to have dementia, rather frail. Had urosepsis and antibiotics haven't been effective.
Dad was devastated. I heard sis said he cried.
I wished I could be there to comfort him.
But before I left, he said it is ok not to go back, also because he is worried my training will be affected, and didn't want me to travel to and fro like that.
Now I hate being away from home like this.
I really hope, in critical time like this, I am able to pray and be with them physically.
So what I can save lives here, but not being able to give support to my family back home.
It's meaningless..

This was taken 2 weeks before grandma was brought into hospital.
Kiefer's first encounter with his 2nd Taima.
He lost 2 greatgrandmas too.
Little boy didn't know much.

When we asked where was taima, he said....
'sleeping in the box'
Innocence but true fact.

Staff at workplace, bought me this. How thoughtful.

Lily, came visit and brought me a bunch of tulips.
Just looking at them just bring so much comfort.
Really appreciate all messages and kind thoughts from friends near and far.

When situation is getting so hard to bear, I give thanks that the Lord provide friends who will be there to support me through this difficult period of time.

WasSup Doc: It is well, with my soul. May their souls rest in peace with you Lord. Please comfort my family members who have to go through 2 bereavements back to back. Help us to stay strong as a family, and we trust that all this happened for a good reason.

Sunday, February 05, 2017

CNY celebrations continue...

Time really flies, a week gone and CNY celebration is half way there.

Highlight of this week, CHANGED OVER!
Yes, I am not registrar to the general medicine team.
Worked along with Dr C and Dr Mc at present.
So far, so good.

Even had to drive Dr C back to Lancaster on my first day of work in Kendal.
That was a complete challenge!
Thank goodness, we arrived safely and my little car DID NOT stop in the middle of the road...Phew!

Another highlight was THIS!

Yups, met up with Cher Chyi in Manchester.
We didn't see each other for... 13 years since graduating from high school!

Really amazing how we could talk and laughed over life.
Spent 3 hours talking and just updating each other about respective lives.
Really appreciate how she trusted me fully and speak so honestly.
Twas was an amazing catch up.
Looked forward to another reunion when SQ send her back here AGAIN!

and then the feast continue..

Thanks to Sai and Joyce for putting up such yummy dinner for me.
Newton Close minions :)

Look at these...
Even yeesang was there.

** I ate 2 bowls to rice..... not shy**

I am blessed with good friends.

WasSup Doc: Enjoy the little things in life, as when you look back later, you will realise they are BIG THINGS.
Live to fullest~! 💗